Monday, January 23, 2012

5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Psoriasis

I'm coming into my 7th year of finding ways to deal with having severe psoriasis in social situations, and while most people I come into contact with are pretty cool about it, some find themselves unable to stop the flow of horrible, horrible word vomit coming out of their face-holes. Here are a few "conversation points" to avoid.

"Is it contagious?"
Yes, that's why I'm out in public, sitting on your couch, eating your cereal directly from the box with my hands, without any kind of protection instead of, I don't know, in quarantine? I am that big of an asshole.

"Can't you just put lotion on?"
Holy shit, stop the presses. In the thousands of years people have been dealing with psoriasis, not a single person ever thought to apply any kind of cream or unguent. YOU DESERVE AN AWARD.

"Have you tried changing laundry detergents?"
Unless laundry detergent is capable of altering one's genetic makeup, I...wait a minute, this canister doesn't say "TIDE" says "TCRI"!!

Nooooooooooo...but my whites are brighter than ever!

"My auntie/cousin/guy I always see at the bus stop uses some batshit home remedy, you should try that!"
Your auntie is a doctor, is she? Look, the only reason I'm going to slather my body with Vicks VapoRub is if I want to attract koala bears (and, let's be honest, I do. Be my friend, koala bears.)

"Isn't that caused by stressed? You should stop being stressed!"
Unless you are offering to pay all my expenses, chauffeur me around in a private jet, cook and clean my house for me, end poverty, racism, misogyny, and hatred towards the LGBTQIA community, hire me a personal masseuse, and provide me with a lifetime supply of lavender-scented candles, shut your damn mouth.

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