My Top 5 Film Crushes

Like most people who spend the majority of their life on the internet, I spend a lot of time fantasizing about making out with various fictional characters. While I suppose dreaming about kissing film characters is slightly more realistic than say, comic or anime characters, the sad fact is it is highly unlikely my desires will ever be fulfilled. Still, I can dream, so here are my top 5 movie crushes of my life thus far.

David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, Labyrinth (1986)

Oh, I know, everyone has a crush on Jareth, and with good reason. He's hot, he's sassy, he's David-Fucking-Bowie. He's a delicious, other-worldly faerie. Need I say more? No. Next.

John Hurt as Kane, Alien (1979)

Not gonna lie, I still think John Hurt is sexy, but 1979 was a really hot year for him. He's lithe, scruffy, and boyish while still having the sexy, older man thing going on. Unf. I just wish it was a bit easier to find images of him pre-chest burst.

Katherine E. Scharhon as Wendy Hale/Chance Hale, Brand Upon the Brain! (2006)

Oh jeez, this movie. If you haven't seen any of Canadian independent filmmaker Guy Maddin's work, I highly recommend it (provided you enjoy sad, disturbing, esoteric cinema). In the semi-autobiographical Brand Upon the Brain!, the exquisite creature Katherine E. Scharhon plays teenage detective Wendy Hale who disguises herself as her brother, Chance Hale. Wendy and Chance both become the object of young Guy's (and my) affection.

Guy and his older sister Sis are unaware that Chance is really Wendy, and Sis of course falls for Chance. In order to prevent Sis from realising that she is really female, Chance puts on a pair of gloves and tells her they are "kissing gloves", and only the wearer may touch the other person. Excuse me while I swoon a bit.

Clea DuVall as Graham, But I'm a Cheerleader (1999)

But I'm a Cheerleader was one of the first "gay" movies I watched when I was a teenager trying to figure out my sexuality. As soon as Graham introduces herself with, "I like girls...a lot. Oh, and I'm a homosexual." I was smitten. Graham is a great contrast to innocent, naive Meghan: she's smart, confident, self-assured, and did I mention wicked hot?

Cary Elwes as Robin of Loxley, Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

I know most people would cite Westley as the ultimate in Cary Elwes sexiness, but I have a really soft spot for him in this movie. I must have seen it at least 300 times. When I was a kid, I think I rented it from the video store at least once a week until I eventually got my own VHS copy for Christmas. Being pretty young when I became so obsessed with it, a lot of the more adult jokes were a bit lost on me, but that didn't stop me from endlessly daydreaming about "marrying" Sir Robin.

Be sure to join me next time when I discuss more fictional characters I want to share saliva with. Who are your favorite movie crushes??