5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Psoriasis

I'm coming into my 7th year of finding ways to deal with having severe psoriasis in social situations, and while most people I come into contact with are pretty cool about it, some find themselves unable to stop the flow of horrible, horrible word vomit coming out of their face-holes. Here are a few "conversation points" to avoid.

"Is it contagious?"
Yes, that's why I'm out in public, sitting on your couch, eating your cereal directly from the box with my hands, without any kind of protection instead of, I don't know, in quarantine? I am that big of an asshole.

"Can't you just put lotion on?"
Holy shit, stop the presses. In the thousands of years people have been dealing with psoriasis, not a single person ever thought to apply any kind of cream or unguent. YOU DESERVE AN AWARD.

"Have you tried changing laundry detergents?"
Unless laundry detergent is capable of altering one's genetic makeup, I...wait a minute, this canister doesn't say "TIDE"...it says "TCRI"!!

Nooooooooooo...but my whites are brighter than ever!

"My auntie/cousin/guy I always see at the bus stop uses some batshit home remedy, you should try that!"
Your auntie is a doctor, is she? Look, the only reason I'm going to slather my body with Vicks VapoRub is if I want to attract koala bears (and, let's be honest, I do. Be my friend, koala bears.)

"Isn't that caused by stressed? You should stop being stressed!"
Unless you are offering to pay all my expenses, chauffeur me around in a private jet, cook and clean my house for me, end poverty, racism, misogyny, and hatred towards the LGBTQIA community, hire me a personal masseuse, and provide me with a lifetime supply of lavender-scented candles, shut your damn mouth.

How you were *supposed* to use LUSH's Brimstone

Brimstone, we hardly knew ye.

LUSH came out with a new line of exfoliating scrubs earlier this year, including an odd little lump of sulfur-laden gunk called Brimstone. I've always been an Ocean Salt junkie, but I decided to give Brimstone a shot. The fact that Brimstone is WAY cheaper than Ocean Salt may have had something to do with my decision, but I was also curious to see if the sulfur would be beneficial for my psoriasis.

Ugh, it was amazing. From the first time I used it, I noticed a drastic improvement in the scaly parts of my skin. Even the texture of the normal areas of my skin looked smoother and healthier. I gave Brimstone my official seal of approval and vowed to always keep a block on hand.

As it turns out, not everyone shared my enthusiastic joy. Brimstone is a divisive product, one that was loved or hated with extreme passion on either side (also know as the I Heart Huckabees phenomenon.) It seems the hateful side won out, because LUSH recently announced they would be discontinuing the product. I know that LUSH must discontinue products from time to time, not unlike Ben & Jerry's or Kool-Aid, but dammit, I'm going to miss it.

I can't help but think that this product may have inspired less vitriol if they had provided better instructions on how to use it. LUSH doesn't offer any kind of instructions with their packaging-free products (instruction cards are, presumably, responsible for depleting 99% of the world's rainforests), and all the website states is, essentially, "rub it on your skin" (there's even an instructional video which is exactly as unhelpful.) So I guess I can't really blame people for letting a product that was meant to break up and dissolve in water sit in a puddle in their shower and then getting upset when it was destroyed. Not that it'll do much good now, but here's how you should have been using it:

• Break the block up before your first use. Depending on the humidity in your home you may be able to crumble it with your fingers, but if not, use a butter knife. Don't worry about keeping it in blocks. Smash it into crumbs if you like.
• When you're ready to use it, put about a 1 inch block (or a couple tablespoons of crumbs) into a bowl and bring only that piece to your bath. Keep the rest in a dry place (so, not the bathroom.)
• Draw a bath. Yes, a bath.
• Do whatever it is you normally do in the bath. That is, shampoo and wash normally. After that, give yourself at least 10-15 minutes to use Brimstone.
• Pick up a chunk (or pinch of crumbs) and start applying to your skin. It's going to be weird and clay-like. Roll it, smash it, smear it. It's not going to "scrub" like salt or sugar scrubs do. Deal with it. Don't worry about dropping bits into the water.
• Leave the smeary bits on your skin for a few minutes. Then submerge yourself in the bath completely. Gently slough off the product with a washcloth (or use your fingertips, but it's faster with a cloth.)
• This is the best part: remember all those bits that fell in the tub? Swirl the water around a bit to dissolve them with the product you just rubbed off your skin. Then just soak for awhile.
• Drain the tub and rinse off briefly with cool water from the shower.

This takes a bit more time and effort than most people are willing to devote to their skin, but it was really worth it. My only hope now (other than trolling eBay for old stock) is to pray LUSH develops another, easier-to-use product with the same ingredients (like a bath bomb??)

Spine Health, Skin Health, Soap Shopping

First thing's first: LUSH is having a giveaway! Enter to win a set of 15 new winter products! They are giving away 5 sets a day for 15 days (!) and it's open to anyone with a Twitter account in the US and Canada (you just have to authorize LUSH to send a tweet on your behalf.) Oh, and it asks you to input the name of one of the Winter Warmers gifts. The page that shows them is a little hard to find, so here it is.

In my constant pursuit of natural, holistic treatment options for psoriasis, I've started seeing a chiropractor. I am super privileged to happen to be living with one (the same roommate who does the creature art many of you have admired in our living room) and she's going to be working on me twice a week.

Chiropractic work is recommended in Healing Psoriasis: The Natural Alternative, the book that features the diet I started almost 6 years ago. Because the diet alone healed me so well and so quickly, I never bothered to seek any other treatment. Nowadays, I tend to slack a bit on the diet (and have really, really been enjoying drinking and partying lately), and combined with increased stress, I felt some additional treatment would be beneficial.

I asked her to take a look at my back about a week ago because I was having some lower back pain (most likely brought on by spending 18 hours a day hunched over a computer desk.) Turns out my pelvis was out of alignment, so she snapped me back into place. That seemed to work really well. Within a day or two, the pain was gone, I felt more comfortable walking, and the exhaustion that had been plaguing me for about a month disappeared.

On Monday she began network spinal analysis, which is...basically poking me in the back. I had never heard of this treatment before (it is entirely possible it was mentioned in Dr. Pagano's book, but I'll admit that by the time I got to the chiropractic chapter I was ridiculously high on raw food and had trouble sitting still long enough to read), but I'm certainly open to trying it. It's only been two treatments so far, but I have been feeling immediate effects. I'm taller (!) and I feel more centered. Most of the back and leg pain I had is gone. It's too early to tell if my skin is responding, but it does feel good today. There's no swelling or flaking, and many spots are showing signs of healing.

There are, of course, many factors that affect my skin, but I'm very optimistic. I'm also taking a bunch of herbs and moving towards a healthier diet (I'm eating far less meat than I had been for the past year.) I'm really excited to see how my skin will react to all this! In the meantime, there are still plenty of LUSH products that are great for psoriasis care!